How to Prepare for Family and Friend's Visit to Someone Living with Dementia

According to the Alzheimer's Association's 2024 report, an estimated 6.9 million Americans age 65 and older are living with dementia today. Research shows that 70% of family visitors find visits with dementia patients pleasant, while proper preparation significantly impacts visit success.

Aegeliss, specializing in Montessori-inspired dementia care tools, has worked with families to create meaningful connections during thoughtful visits. Understanding how to prepare for visits ensures both your loved one and visiting family members experience joy and connection during precious time together.

The key to successful visits lies in understanding your loved one's current needs, creating a familiar environment, and setting realistic expectations for all visitors involved.

Understanding Your Loved One's Current Stage

Dementia affects each person differently, making individualized visit preparation essential. Before planning any visit, assess your loved one's current cognitive abilities, communication preferences, and daily routine patterns.

Early-stage dementia: Your loved one likely maintains conversational abilities but may struggle with recent memory. They might remember conversations from decades ago while forgetting what they had for breakfast.

Mid-stage dementia: Sensory activities and familiar faces often bring the most joy, though following complex conversations becomes challenging.

Late-stage dementia: Gentle touch, familiar music, and calm presence provide the greatest comfort. Words matter less than the warmth of your voice and the security of your presence.

Start by creating a simple list: What time of day does your loved one feel most alert? Which activities still bring them joy? What conversation topics light up their face? This becomes your roadmap for meaningful visits.

“Preparation begins with understanding. When families recognize their loved one's current abilities rather than focusing on limitations, visits become opportunities for genuine connection.” - Adria Thompson, founder of Be Light Care Consulting

Home Visits vs Memory Care Visits: Key Differences

Preparing for Home Visits

When your loved one still lives at home, you have complete control over the environment, but this also means more preparation responsibilities fall on you.

Environmental preparation: Create a calm, welcoming space by reducing background noise—turn off televisions, close doors to busy areas, and eliminate distracting sounds that can overwhelm someone with dementia. Ensure adequate lighting throughout visiting areas, as poor lighting increases confusion and creates frightening shadows4.

Safety considerations: Remove or secure potential hazards—medications should be stored safely away from visiting areas. If wandering is a concern, ensure doors are secured and have gentle redirection strategies ready.

Activity setup: Gather meaningful items beforehand—family photos, favorite blankets, or cherished objects. Aegeliss's 2-in-1 Jigsaw Puzzles featuring beloved national park images can serve as wonderful conversation starters and provide structure for visit activities.

(Aegeliss’s 2-in-1 Jigsaw Puzzle features beloved national park images and helpful guides that can serve as great conversation starters.)

Preparing for Memory Care Visits

Memory care communities handle much of the environmental preparation, but you still play a crucial role in visit success.

• Check facility guidelines: Some communities recommend avoiding visits during initial adjustment periods. Always discuss timing with care staff who know your loved one's daily patterns and recent behavior.
• Coordinate with staff: Care providers can share valuable insights about your loved one's recent preferences, successful activities, and optimal visit times. They might suggest specific approaches that have been working well5.
• Bring familiar items: While the environment is prepared, bringing personal touches like photo albums, favorite snacks (with approval), or beloved music can enhance the visit experience.
• Respect community rhythms: Memory care follows structured routines that provide security for residents. Plan visits around meal times, activity schedules, and rest periods.

Preparing children for Visits

Intergenerational interactions can provide very rewarding experiences if thoughtful preparation is in place. 

Age-Specific Guidance

For younger kids: Use simple, honest language: "Grandpa's brain works differently now. He might not remember your name, but he still loves you very much. Let’s speak slower and give Grandpa time to respond.” Focus on bringing joy through singing, simple crafts, or showing drawings they've made.

For older kids: Explain dementia more thoroughly while emphasizing emotional connection: “Grandma might ask the same question several times or not remember our last visit, but she always feels happy when we're together.” Encourage them to share stories about school, friends, or hobbies—even if grandma can't respond typically, she may enjoy listening.

Helpful Activities for Children

• Story time: If grandparents can still read, invite them to share favorite childhood books. If not, children can "read" picture books aloud.

• Memory boxes: Create boxes filled with objects from grandparents' past—old jewelry, tools, or memorabilia that spark stories and connection.

• Mystery Bags: Place safe and familiar items into a bag. Encourage grandparents and children to feel the objects and guess what they are. Excellent choices include common household items like a shell, a key, an apple, and a fork.

• Music sharing: Print song lyrics beforehand and teach children songs their grandparents loved, creating multi-generational bonding moments.

• Art projects: Simple crafts like finger painting or play-dough work provide sensory engagement that transcends conversation barriers.

Aegeliss's Montessori-inspired tools work beautifully for intergenerational activities, offering activities that adjust to different cognitive abilities while keeping everyone engaged.

Pre-Visit Communication and Planning

Successful visits start long before anyone walks through the door. Schedule a brief conversation with visiting family members to discuss your loved one's current reality and set appropriate expectations.

Essential conversation points:

• Current cognitive abilities and communication patterns

• Preferred topics that bring joy or comfort

• Recent behavioral changes visitors might notice

Timing considerations: Most people with dementia have optimal times when they're most alert and comfortable. "Sundowning"—increased agitation in late afternoon and evening—affects many dementia patients, making morning or early afternoon visits more successful.

For close family:

• “Hi Mom, I'm Sarah, your daughter. It's so wonderful to see you.”

• “Hello Grandpa, I'm Tommy, your grandson. I brought some snacks we could enjoy together.”

For friends:

• “Hi Nancy, I'm Linda from your book club. We've been friends for years, and I wanted to visit.”

• “Hello Frank, I'm your neighbor, Jim. I brought some flowers from the garden you always loved.”

For continuing conversations:

• “Tell me about…” (your childhood, your favorite recipes, your wedding day)

• “What was it like when…” (you were young, you lived in that house, you worked at...)

• “I remember you telling me about... (your mother, your first job, your travels). Really love the story. Can you tell me more about …?”

• “Did you have a good breakfast today?” “The garden looks colorful. Do you like it?” (Keep questions brief for individuals who have limited responsiveness. It is always safe to focus on positive topics based on the immediate environment.)

Activity Planning And Preparation

The best visit activities feel natural and build on your loved one's remaining abilities and their interests.

Simple, engaging options:

• Photo exploration: Look through albums together, letting your loved one guide the conversation about images that catch their attention

• Music connection: Play familiar songs from their youth—many people with dementia retain musical memories long after other memories fade

• Engagement activities: Play a puzzle together. Aegeliss's dementia-friendly puzzles come with a thoughtful guide that contains many conversation starters for park exploration and beyond

• Applying lotion: Because the skin of older adults is susceptible to dryness, a close family member applying lotion to their loved one's hands can be a very soothing and comforting experience

• Nature connection: If possible, spend time outdoors or by windows, watching birds or observing seasonal changes

Maude's Garden at the Memory Hub in Seattle is an award-winning therapeutic space designed for sensory exploration and social connection for people living with memory loss.

Backup planning: Prepare 2-3 activity options since dementia symptoms vary day to day. What worked beautifully last week might not engage them today, and that's perfectly normal.

Group size matters: While everyone wants to visit, large gatherings can overwhelm someone with dementia. Plan for smaller groups of 2-3 people, with additional visitors joining later or on separate occasions.

Managing Visitor Expectations

Setting realistic expectations prevents disappointment and promotes successful future visits. 

Essential understanding: Your loved one may not remember previous visits or recognize you immediately. This doesn't reflect the value of your presence or diminish the meaningfulness of time spent together7.

Focus on emotional connection: Even when memory fails, individuals with dementia often respond to familiar voices, gentle touch, and loving presence. These connections create positive feelings that linger even without conscious memory.

Visit length: Thirty to sixty minutes typically provides a meaningful connection without causing fatigue or overstimulation. If your loved one enjoys company and is in their flow, the stay can be longer. Be flexible, and quality matters far more than quantity.

Day-of-Visit Best Practices

Optimal time: Begin visits when your loved one is usually alert and in a good mood, typically mid-morning when they are well-rested and have finished breakfast. 

Brief self-introduction: Approach slowly, make eye contact, wear a name tag, and clearly state your name and relationship, even for close family members

Following their lead: Watch for cues about their interests and energy levels. If planned activities don't engage them, pivot to simple companionship or conversations about surroundings that spark recognition

Step into Their World: When dementia creates confusion about time or circumstances, resist the urge to correct. Instead, embrace their reality and go with their flow. Match your speed with theirs.

Example: When mom, who lives with dementia, asks a question that doesn't reflect the current reality, such as "Oh, Dan, how is college?" even if you're a working professional, you can maintain a positive interaction by embracing their perspective.

Instead of correcting them, go with their flow. For example, you could say: "Thank you for asking, Mom. I love my school. I can choose a lot of interesting classes and practice swimming. Do you have suggestions for choosing a class?" This approach can encourage them to share advice and keep the conversation flowing warmly.

Managing transitions: Some individuals experience distress when visits come to an end. Redirect and consider leaving behind familiar photos that provide comfort after departure.

Helpful phrase: “Mom, Stacy is over there. She asked me to help her with something. I am going to help her, and I’ll be right back.”

Post-Visit Support and Follow-Up

Visit aftercare supports both your loved one and visiting family members.

Transition support: After visitors leave, help your loved one return to routine with calm, familiar activities. Some temporary confusion or sadness is normal and usually passes quickly.

Visitor check-ins: First-time visitors often feel emotional or uncertain about their interactions. Provide reassurance about the value of their presence and offer guidance for future visits.

Documentation: Keep notes about successful strategies and activities for future reference. What brought smiles? Which topics sparked engagement? This information helps replicate positive experiences.

Family connection: Share positive moments with family members who couldn't visit through photos or brief updates, maintaining a broader family connection and encouraging additional visits.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How often should family members visit someone with dementia?

A: Visit frequency should match your loved one's living arrangement, comfort level, and response to visits. Some thrive with weekly brief visits, while others prefer less frequent but longer interactions. For those in memory care, communities may recommend avoiding visits during initial adjustment periods—always consult with care providers to plan appropriately5. It’s also important to note that although your loved one may not know you, they retain emotional memory and can remember that emotion. Keep visiting even as the disease progresses10. 

Q: What should I do if my loved one doesn't recognize visiting family members?

A: Lack of recognition doesn't diminish visit value. Introduce visitors by name and relationship each time, remain patient, and focus on emotional connection rather than recognition. Name tags and proactive self-introduction can provide familiar anchors that help with recognition and comfort during visits.

Q: How can I help children prepare to visit a grandparent with dementia?

A: Use age-appropriate explanations emphasizing that grandparents' brains work differently now, but their love remains unchanged. Plan simple, engaging activities children can share—making paper cranes, reading favorite books, or listening to favorite holiday music11. If grandparents can still read, inviting them to share story time creates deeply rewarding experiences for both generations.

Q: What signs indicate that visits should be shortened or postponed?

A: Watch for increased agitation, confusion, fatigue, or distress. If your loved one becomes restless, withdrawn, or exhibits concerning behavioral changes, consider shortening the visit or rescheduling for a better day. Each person with dementia has unique tolerance levels and needs.

Q: Should we discuss current events or focus on past memories during visits?

A: Generally, conversations about memories work better than current events, which may be confusing or quickly forgotten. However, follow your loved one's interests and abilities. Some early-stage individuals enjoy discussing recent topics, while others find comfort in reminiscing about familiar past experiences.

Conclusion

Preparing for family and friends' visits with someone living with dementia requires thoughtful planning, realistic expectations, and genuine person-centered approaches. By understanding your loved one's current needs, creating supportive environments, and preparing visitors appropriately, these precious moments become opportunities for joy and connection.

The love shared during visits creates positive feelings that transcend memory limitations. Your presence matters more than perfect conversations or recalled names. Each visit becomes a gift of connection, comfort, and continued love.

References

1. Alzheimer's Association, "2024 Alzheimer's disease facts and figures," Alzheimer's & Dementia, 2024. https://alz-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/alz.13809

2. Research study, "Impact of family visits on agitation in residents with dementia," PMC, 2024. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10833676/

3. Be Light Care Consulting, "Dementia Education," 2024. https://www.belightcare.com/

4. Dementia Solutions Canada, "Creating a Dementia-Friendly Environment," 2024. https://dementiasolutions.ca/a-dementia-friendly-environment/

5. Northwoods Memory Care, "Travel Tips For Visiting A Loved One In Memory Care," 2024. https://northwoodsmemory.com/memory-care/visiting-a-loved-one-in-memory-care/

6. National Institute on Aging, "Tips for Coping with Sundowning," 2024. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-symptoms-and-behaviors/tips-coping-sundowning

7. Alzheimer Society of Canada, "Making visits meaningful," 2024. https://alzheimer.ca/en/help-support/i-have-friend-or-family-member-who-lives-dementia/making-meaningful-visits

8. Alzheimers.gov, "Tips for Caregivers and Families of People With Dementia," 2024. https://www.alzheimers.gov/life-with-dementia/tips-caregivers

9. Dementia By Day, “The Movie: Embracing Their Reality,” 2024. https://dementiabyday.com/the-movie/

10. Leisure Care, "10 Tips for Visiting a Loved One in Memory Care," 2024. https://www.leisurecare.com/resources/tips-for-visiting-resident-memory-care/

11. Alzheimer's Association, “Activities to Enjoy With Someone Who Has Alzheimer's or Dementia,” 2024. Activities to Enjoy if Someone Has Alzheimer's or Dementia | alz.org